So I was reading the newspaper today and I came across the following story.
http://www.thestar.com/news/world/2013/05/29/beavers_kill_man_trying_to_pose_for_photo.html
You can read the article if you want, but the title says it all - Beavers Kill Man Trying to Pose for Photo. Don't worry the man was from Belarus, so it is probably not someone you know.
My mind went immediately to three things.
None of them were this man's family. If your father or husband gets killed by a beaver I suspect that he is not exactly a candidate for "world's best dad". I suspect the 'grieving widow' may be donating a large portion of the life insurance proceeds to 'dam-nation', an organization that looks after the well-being of beavers (if there is such an organization and that is not its name something is wrong with the world).
The first thing was that I knew it all along. I have long suspected that beavers and otters use their cute little hands and swimming in order to lure us closer so they can eat us. Otters especially seem to be evil creatures (swimming raccoons if you will). I believe they swim around waiting to grab unsuspecting children at Marineland and feast on their eyeballs. At least that is how they always appear to me.
The second thing is that this just shows that Canada is not investing in its military properly. We have a great weapon of mass destruction at our fingertips. 1000s of beavers. We can equip them with armor and weapons (I say lasers) and send them at not only the Belarusians, but all of Canada's enemies.
The third and most important thing is that I want to see a copy of the pictures that were taken as the beaver mauled the man. I think they should be put in a slideshow and played on an endless loop at his funeral.
What can I say. My city is being run by a crack addict. It truly is everybody for themselves.
