I like baseball. I love play-off baseball. I am in lust with game seven play-off baseball. How I feel about game seven of the World Series is how I am told young toddlers feel about Dora the Explorer.
It must be watched.
But like any good love affair as you age you gain perspective. You see, the baseball playoffs are killing me slowly. The games don't start until 8 pm. They don't end until early the next day and they invariably have late inning heroics. Couple that with the fact that I have a 10 month old son who wakes up like clockwork at 5 a.m. and you have the recipe for disaster.
I can tell I getting older by my inability to stay awake to watch sports. Each year I get older it feels like my will to watch gets one inning less strong. When I was 20 the game would end and I would watch highlights for another 2 hours. When I was 25, I was able to watch the whole game and then went to bed right away. Now at 32, I am ready to call it quits when the celebrity de jour starts singing "God Bless America" in the seventh inning.
If you can tell a tree's age by counting its rings, you can tell a sport's fans age by how many innings (s)he can stay awake for during the playoffs.
But tonight was different - it is game 7. And it is now the seventh inning. Texas is trailing 5 to 2. It is a rather unremarkable game so far. And I am getting tired.
Maybe I should go bed...would that make me a bad sports fan?
Maybe I should stay up and up watch the whole thing...would that make tomorrow a disaster? Would I be a bad father because I will be tired when I play with my son?
Just like a good game of baseball the enjoyment comes not from the outcome, but from the anticipation...should I watch or should I sleep?
*** Fast Forward to almost 12 am Saturday ***
I made it. I am still a sport's fan. Congrats Cards. Sorry Texas (you only have yourself to blame after game 6).
I am going to need a large coffee in 5 hours. I say a small prayer to the baseball Gods that my like-clockwork son will sleep past 5 am.
But, I don't think the fact that I am tired tomorrow will make me a bad father for one important reason.
As I turned off the TV and wrote this, my one thought was: I hope that the next time there is a Game 7 in the World Series that my son and I can share it together.
Now that is something I would definitely stay up for. I guess fatherhood is also about the anticipation.
10.29.2011
10.28.2011
Tim will...write?
Usually this blog will feature my thoughts.
Sometimes it will feature my stories. You can click here to read "Ghost Bird".
Sometimes it will feature my stories. You can click here to read "Ghost Bird".
When more is less...
In addition to watching TV, I also play video games. Essentially, I am a teenager in a 30 year old's body. Currently, I am playing Batman Arkham City and it has taught me a truth about myself. I want to be Batman, but I don't want to have to change the tires on the Batmobile.
Let me explain. The game is a follow-up to the award winning game Batman: Arkham Asylum from last year. In the first game you played as Batman and you got stuck in Arkham Asylum and had to find your way out while dealing with all the bad guys stuck inside with you. Think Prison Break for comic book nerds. It was a pretty awsome game. So for the sequel the developers decided - let's just make it bigger. They made an entire city into a prison - thus the name Arkham City. They essentially made the same game again only much, much bigger. Thus it must be much, much better right?
Not necessarily.
The problem is the game is much too big. There are over 400 side-quests in the city and I am constantly veering off the main story to do all kinds of things (like save prisoners or answer telephone calls) and I just don't care about the story anymore. I have choice - but no clear goal. By giving the player so many things to do the game makes the player not care. The "game" begins to feel like a "chore".
So this got me thinking: is bigger better?
Let me go back to my first love - television. Curb Your Enthusiasm is a show that never fails to make me laugh and a large part of that is that it has a short, tight season. Each season is at most ten episodes long. This ensures that the show doesn't lose steam or run out of ideas. It feels fresh. Having a season of 18 episodes would destroy that show. Almost all the HBO shows you probably like have a max episode run of 10-13 episodes. In TV shorter is necessarily better. Heroes was killed by having to fill an entire year of programing. They had one story to tell: "Save the Cheerleader save the World" and they got to the end of it too fast and had nothing left to say. If Entourage had a long season everyone would have realised that it was the same story told over and over again.
Video games and TV shows need to be short to be sweet. I like to waste time... but I only have so much time to waste.
Let me explain. The game is a follow-up to the award winning game Batman: Arkham Asylum from last year. In the first game you played as Batman and you got stuck in Arkham Asylum and had to find your way out while dealing with all the bad guys stuck inside with you. Think Prison Break for comic book nerds. It was a pretty awsome game. So for the sequel the developers decided - let's just make it bigger. They made an entire city into a prison - thus the name Arkham City. They essentially made the same game again only much, much bigger. Thus it must be much, much better right?
Not necessarily.
The problem is the game is much too big. There are over 400 side-quests in the city and I am constantly veering off the main story to do all kinds of things (like save prisoners or answer telephone calls) and I just don't care about the story anymore. I have choice - but no clear goal. By giving the player so many things to do the game makes the player not care. The "game" begins to feel like a "chore".
So this got me thinking: is bigger better?
Let me go back to my first love - television. Curb Your Enthusiasm is a show that never fails to make me laugh and a large part of that is that it has a short, tight season. Each season is at most ten episodes long. This ensures that the show doesn't lose steam or run out of ideas. It feels fresh. Having a season of 18 episodes would destroy that show. Almost all the HBO shows you probably like have a max episode run of 10-13 episodes. In TV shorter is necessarily better. Heroes was killed by having to fill an entire year of programing. They had one story to tell: "Save the Cheerleader save the World" and they got to the end of it too fast and had nothing left to say. If Entourage had a long season everyone would have realised that it was the same story told over and over again.
Video games and TV shows need to be short to be sweet. I like to waste time... but I only have so much time to waste.
10.27.2011
On Buns and Bagels...
I had a Chinese bun for breakfast today, and it brought me face to face with my mortal enemy - the Chinese bun lady.
For the uninitiated Chinese buns are pastry like rolls with savoury meats stuffed inside. They are the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and a very good breakfast snack. However, there is only one Chinese bun place near my office and it is run by my nemesis - the Chinese bun lady.
Now before you go thinking that I am racist - my wife is Chinese. I believe my baby is half-Chinese. I have a vested interest in all things Chinese. Well that is not true. I hate Chinese desserts. Red bean soup is not a satisfying end to any meal. I suppose child sweat shops are bad too.
But the Chinese bun lady is the worst thing to ever come from China. The buns are self-serve and you put them in a bag and pay. They cost $1.20 each but some cost $1.50. This woman opens your bag and paws through to ensure that you haven't tried to take a $1.50 bun for $1.20. She wears a permascowl when she does so. One time I forgot to buy a coffee (which is on the other end of the store) so I said I would just pay and go get it after paying. She said to me she couldn't let me do that because I might steal buns on my way out.
This woman guards her buns like Fort Knox and every customer is part of a elaborate scheme to steal them. I dream of breaking into the bun store a la mission impossible and cleaning the place out of buns and then arriving first thing in the morning to watch the Chinese bun lady try to cope in a world where her buns have been cruelly taken from her.
I also dream of octopuses.
Usually I avoid the Chinese bun shop and instead opt for a bagel. This is because the bagel lady is a very friendly young eastern European lady who smiles and remembers my order from the day before and asks about my day. I like her and as such I order way more bagels than buns - except on those days when I just crave that Chinese bun goodness. In a perfect world the Eastern European women would work in the Chinese bun store and the Chinese bun lady would work at the bagel store where all the produce is behind glass and she wouldn't need to protect her bagels from us bagel thieves. Everyone would win.
But it is not a perfect world. So I eat more bagels than I otherwise would and sometimes cheat on the Eastern European bagel girl with the Chinese bun lady.
Ultimately, when it comes to breakfast foods, as with most things in life, what you do is not as important as who you do it with - unless the thing you do is stuffed with barbecued pork.
For the uninitiated Chinese buns are pastry like rolls with savoury meats stuffed inside. They are the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and a very good breakfast snack. However, there is only one Chinese bun place near my office and it is run by my nemesis - the Chinese bun lady.
Now before you go thinking that I am racist - my wife is Chinese. I believe my baby is half-Chinese. I have a vested interest in all things Chinese. Well that is not true. I hate Chinese desserts. Red bean soup is not a satisfying end to any meal. I suppose child sweat shops are bad too.
But the Chinese bun lady is the worst thing to ever come from China. The buns are self-serve and you put them in a bag and pay. They cost $1.20 each but some cost $1.50. This woman opens your bag and paws through to ensure that you haven't tried to take a $1.50 bun for $1.20. She wears a permascowl when she does so. One time I forgot to buy a coffee (which is on the other end of the store) so I said I would just pay and go get it after paying. She said to me she couldn't let me do that because I might steal buns on my way out.
This woman guards her buns like Fort Knox and every customer is part of a elaborate scheme to steal them. I dream of breaking into the bun store a la mission impossible and cleaning the place out of buns and then arriving first thing in the morning to watch the Chinese bun lady try to cope in a world where her buns have been cruelly taken from her.
I also dream of octopuses.
Usually I avoid the Chinese bun shop and instead opt for a bagel. This is because the bagel lady is a very friendly young eastern European lady who smiles and remembers my order from the day before and asks about my day. I like her and as such I order way more bagels than buns - except on those days when I just crave that Chinese bun goodness. In a perfect world the Eastern European women would work in the Chinese bun store and the Chinese bun lady would work at the bagel store where all the produce is behind glass and she wouldn't need to protect her bagels from us bagel thieves. Everyone would win.
But it is not a perfect world. So I eat more bagels than I otherwise would and sometimes cheat on the Eastern European bagel girl with the Chinese bun lady.
Ultimately, when it comes to breakfast foods, as with most things in life, what you do is not as important as who you do it with - unless the thing you do is stuffed with barbecued pork.
10.26.2011
Brains...
Hi. I am Tim and I am a television-a-holic.
I am currently only on step 2 of the twelve step program to rid of TV from my life. This step is "Come to believe that a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity."
Unfortunately for me that power is HBO, and it currently streams live to my house. I fear that I will not be progressing very far. On the plus side I now know more about the San Francisco Giants' clubhouse than I did before (the Franchise), that I do not want to go see a game of baseball in Mexico (East Bound and Down season 2), never trust eunichs or a brother who would sell you into sexual slavery in order to take over the world (Game of Thrones), that a car periscope is boss (Curb) and that Julia Stiles is not the complete and utter waste of human skin I once believed her to be (Dexter Season 5).
Currently, my favorite show is Community, but that is a topic for another day (note - if you are not watching Community you do not deserve to own a tv). But that is not what this entry is about. Community may be my favorite show - but zombies are my guilty pleasure.
Zombies and particularly zombie movies are everything that is right the world, in that they always focus on everything that will be wrong in the world when the inevitable zombie apocalypse arrives.
Destroyed buildings. Check. Dwindling supplies. Check. Mindless hordes of non-breathing past humans who will tear you to pieces and force you to retreat into shopping malls where you wait your inevitable death. Check.
More importantly zombie movies are all the same with minor variations. Something turns people into zombies. Said zombies run amok. Group of survivors attempt to stay alive. Some do. Most don't. Rinse repeat in different locations. There is something comforting about the sameness of the movies. The repetition is what makes them enjoyable. You don't have to think and that is a good thing.
Which leads me to the Walking Dead. The uber successful tv show on AMC. All my friends who watch tv comment that this show is "too predictable". They are missing the point. The whole point is for a zombie show to be predictable. The beauty of a zombie story is not in the destination - it is the slow halting shambling corpse walk of the journey.
The beauty of the walking dead is that it realises this and makes its characters nothing more than broad stereotypes. The do-gooder ranger with a heart of gold. The wife of the ranger who is cheating on the ranger's best friend. The black guy. The racist (who in a surprising turn of events clashes with the black guy). The old man. There is even a Chinese guy (who no doubt will be good at kung foo or electronics down the road).
We don't need to understand the character's motivations. The motivations are obvious - stay the fuck alive and don't get eaten by zombies.
Not every show has to be as brilliant as Community to be good.
Zombies movies are much like zombies themselves, they don't need brains... they eat brains.
I am currently only on step 2 of the twelve step program to rid of TV from my life. This step is "Come to believe that a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity."
Unfortunately for me that power is HBO, and it currently streams live to my house. I fear that I will not be progressing very far. On the plus side I now know more about the San Francisco Giants' clubhouse than I did before (the Franchise), that I do not want to go see a game of baseball in Mexico (East Bound and Down season 2), never trust eunichs or a brother who would sell you into sexual slavery in order to take over the world (Game of Thrones), that a car periscope is boss (Curb) and that Julia Stiles is not the complete and utter waste of human skin I once believed her to be (Dexter Season 5).
Currently, my favorite show is Community, but that is a topic for another day (note - if you are not watching Community you do not deserve to own a tv). But that is not what this entry is about. Community may be my favorite show - but zombies are my guilty pleasure.
Zombies and particularly zombie movies are everything that is right the world, in that they always focus on everything that will be wrong in the world when the inevitable zombie apocalypse arrives.
Destroyed buildings. Check. Dwindling supplies. Check. Mindless hordes of non-breathing past humans who will tear you to pieces and force you to retreat into shopping malls where you wait your inevitable death. Check.
More importantly zombie movies are all the same with minor variations. Something turns people into zombies. Said zombies run amok. Group of survivors attempt to stay alive. Some do. Most don't. Rinse repeat in different locations. There is something comforting about the sameness of the movies. The repetition is what makes them enjoyable. You don't have to think and that is a good thing.
Which leads me to the Walking Dead. The uber successful tv show on AMC. All my friends who watch tv comment that this show is "too predictable". They are missing the point. The whole point is for a zombie show to be predictable. The beauty of a zombie story is not in the destination - it is the slow halting shambling corpse walk of the journey.
The beauty of the walking dead is that it realises this and makes its characters nothing more than broad stereotypes. The do-gooder ranger with a heart of gold. The wife of the ranger who is cheating on the ranger's best friend. The black guy. The racist (who in a surprising turn of events clashes with the black guy). The old man. There is even a Chinese guy (who no doubt will be good at kung foo or electronics down the road).
We don't need to understand the character's motivations. The motivations are obvious - stay the fuck alive and don't get eaten by zombies.
Not every show has to be as brilliant as Community to be good.
Zombies movies are much like zombies themselves, they don't need brains... they eat brains.
10.25.2011
Why religion will fail....
Last night driving to my basketball game I had a religious awakening and it was all thanks to the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission). I was driving behind a bus that had the entire back of the bus plastered with an ad that said (and I could not make this up)... Don't celebrate Halloween, Celebrate Jesusween. This seriously exists.
It was at that point I literally had my first religious epiphany... the church needs better marketing.
I don't care about the fact that some group of people want you to celebrate Jesus rather than dress up in costumes and get candy. That is their choice (although I would imagine the lack of candy might be a hard sell to 10 year-olds).
What I care about the fact that the name for this is Jesusween. Seriously? In the space of one light I came up with a clearly better name: "Halo-ween". The fact that this name is so glaringly obvious leads to only one conclusion... belief in God breeds laziness.
Honestly, if you want me to get behind your cause and the best you can come up with is Jesusween you clearly don't want me (or my soul) enough. I am supposed to believe in an omnipotent God who can make a rock that even he can't lift - and even with this divine intervention you give me Jesusween. Maybe God really was busy helping Green Bay win on Sunday.
The default seems to be to just stick Jesus in front of everything. What are we going to do with other holidays? Thanksgiving = Jesusgiving, Valentine's day = Jesustine's day. I suppose we leave Christmas and Easter alone. I imagine we continue to pretend Hanukkah doesn't exist rather than re-branding it.
Ultimately, this ad encapsulates the problem with religion. It thinks that just mentioning Jesus is enough. If you are going to market religion on the side of a bus, then you should market. Show me you care. Or maybe you should just focus on the fact that religion is supposed to be about community and shared ideals and not on name recognition or marketing.
Either way Jesusween is unforgivable.
It was at that point I literally had my first religious epiphany... the church needs better marketing.
I don't care about the fact that some group of people want you to celebrate Jesus rather than dress up in costumes and get candy. That is their choice (although I would imagine the lack of candy might be a hard sell to 10 year-olds).
What I care about the fact that the name for this is Jesusween. Seriously? In the space of one light I came up with a clearly better name: "Halo-ween". The fact that this name is so glaringly obvious leads to only one conclusion... belief in God breeds laziness.
Honestly, if you want me to get behind your cause and the best you can come up with is Jesusween you clearly don't want me (or my soul) enough. I am supposed to believe in an omnipotent God who can make a rock that even he can't lift - and even with this divine intervention you give me Jesusween. Maybe God really was busy helping Green Bay win on Sunday.
The default seems to be to just stick Jesus in front of everything. What are we going to do with other holidays? Thanksgiving = Jesusgiving, Valentine's day = Jesustine's day. I suppose we leave Christmas and Easter alone. I imagine we continue to pretend Hanukkah doesn't exist rather than re-branding it.
Ultimately, this ad encapsulates the problem with religion. It thinks that just mentioning Jesus is enough. If you are going to market religion on the side of a bus, then you should market. Show me you care. Or maybe you should just focus on the fact that religion is supposed to be about community and shared ideals and not on name recognition or marketing.
Either way Jesusween is unforgivable.
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