On Buns and Bagels...

I had a Chinese bun for breakfast today, and it brought me face to face with my mortal enemy - the Chinese bun lady.

For the uninitiated Chinese buns are pastry like rolls with savoury meats stuffed inside.  They are the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and a very good breakfast snack.  However, there is only one Chinese bun place near my office and it is run by my nemesis - the Chinese bun lady.

Now before you go thinking that I am racist - my wife is Chinese.  I believe my baby is half-Chinese.  I have a vested interest in all things Chinese.  Well that is not true.  I hate Chinese desserts.  Red bean soup is not a satisfying end to any meal.  I suppose child sweat shops are bad too.

But the Chinese bun lady is the worst thing to ever come from China.  The buns are self-serve and you put them in a bag and pay.  They cost $1.20 each but some cost $1.50.  This woman opens your bag and paws through to ensure that you haven't tried to take a $1.50 bun for $1.20.   She wears a permascowl when she does so.  One time I forgot to buy a coffee (which is on the other end of the store) so I said I would just pay and go get it after paying.  She said to me she couldn't let me do that because I might steal buns on my way out. 

This woman guards her buns like Fort Knox and every customer is part of a elaborate scheme to steal them.  I dream of breaking into the bun store a la mission impossible and cleaning the place out of buns and then arriving first thing in the morning to watch the Chinese bun lady try to cope in a world where her buns have been cruelly taken from her. 

I also dream of octopuses. 

Usually I avoid the Chinese bun shop and instead opt for a bagel.  This is because the bagel lady is a very friendly young eastern European lady who smiles and remembers my order from the day before and asks about my day.  I like her and as such I order way more bagels than buns - except on those days when I just crave that Chinese bun goodness.  In a perfect world the Eastern European women would work in the Chinese bun store and the Chinese bun lady would work at the bagel store where all the produce is behind glass and she wouldn't need to protect her bagels from us bagel thieves.  Everyone would win. 

But it is not a perfect world.  So I eat more bagels than I otherwise would and sometimes cheat on the Eastern European bagel girl with the Chinese bun lady.

Ultimately, when it comes to breakfast foods, as with most things in life, what you do is not as important as who you do it with - unless the thing you do is stuffed with barbecued pork.