Learning to Count (or Why Raffi is a Racist)

So we are trying to teach our son how to count.  One of the ways we are doing this is by playing him kid’s songs which go through numbers.  This probably is futile as he is just now comprehending that he can eat, so abstract concepts such as numbers are probably outside of his primitive grasp of reality.  Nevertheless, if I don’t set goals, how will he be able to not meet my expectations.

One of those songs is by Raffi and called the “Numbers Rumba”.  In it Raffi sings a rumba about each number and then describes how the number looks. 

In the song number one is described as “straight but fun.”  This struck me as somewhat strange way of describing the number one as it implies that straight is not normally fun.  Rather than interpret this as a homosexual attack on traditional values (I am after all not a Republican candidate), I instead interpret this as Raffi commenting on the fact that if Number One was more curvy it would be even more fun.  This is backed by the fact that Raffi describes number two as “having big breasts is not taboo”.  To be fair to Raffi, he might say “two big feet on a kangaroo”.  He sings it really fast.

However, I do know Raffi is racist. 

In one song he sings about the children of the world and recites their names.  The song starts off nice enough.  Bonnie is from Canada.  Sounds all right.   Olga is from Russia.  Um...okay, if a little obvious.  Jose is from Mexico.  Bordering on offensive.

And then...Ching is from China. 

Seriously Raffi? Ching is from China?  No one told you that is infinitesimally close to Chink is from China? 

I can just imagine  how this exchange went down. 

Raffi:  Ching is from China.   

Producer:  Wait, Wait, Wait.... Raffi are we sure about that one... Ching?

Raffi:  Do you know who I am?  I am Mr. Banana Phone.  Shut the hell up. 

Raffi Singing:  Ching is from China... Nigel is from Africa.

To be fair despite the possible racist undertones, the song is very very catchy.  So is the Numbers Rumba.  Raffi only goes to Three (“Three Banana on Banana Tree”).  Unlike Raffi I feel my son will need to count beyond three, so my wife and I have invented the rest. 

My favorites are in no particular order:

• Number 5 – winding road in the country side
• Number 7 – Looks like number 7 (My kid will appreciate irony and nothing rhymes with 7 that is not overtly religious or forces my son to become a baker or work at a convenience store – think about it).
• Number 8 – Infinity sign stands up straight.  (Yes my son will be a nerd).

Inventing these number rumbas has been very hard.  I literally walk around all day trying to come up with the perfect rhyme.  It occupies all my waking hours. I now know why Raffi ended up hating all children of every creed and colour. 

The Numbers Rumba made him do it.