Stop the world I want to get off...

It appears that even getting home from work has now become a series of trials and tribulations.

Since October of 2012 they have been updating the elevators in my office building.  There are only 4 elevators, but the 'elevator improvement' project appears to be as involved as the preparation for the Olympics.  There are signs and construction everywhere and the security guard has been taking random drug samples from office workers (at least I assumed that is why he has been asking us for urine samples).

Last week, one elevator was finally upgraded and released for general use.  However, it looks exactly the same.  The only difference is that it has:

(i) a slightly different layout of buttons inside and;
(ii) it now refuses to stop at my floor. 

So cosmetically it is nicer, but functionally it is useless.  It is the New Coke of elevators.  The problem is that it is currently the only functioning elevator in the building. 

So last night I stood and waited....and waited... and waited. 

Finally it opened, but it was going up.  So I waited for it to come back down and it skipped my floor. 
I eventually caught it on the way back up the second time. 

I then hurry to get on the subway and am treated to the words every commuter longs to hear... we are experiencing signal difficulties.

I was of course outfitted in my winter Canada Goose jacket.  Ironically, my preparation for winter was to my detriment, because the TTC can't handle cold weather. 

Now for those uninitiated few who do not ride the TTC, there is a stretch of track between St. Clair and Davisville stations that experiences signal difficulties in the winter because the track in this stretch are outside and evidently the signals were not designed for cold weather.  I would have expected that this would have been thought about beforehand.

Engineer:  I think we should design the signals to work in cold weather.

TTC Guy:  Why? Its summer.

Engineer:  I think it will get cold in winter

TTC Guy:  Have you not heard of global warming?  I watched this documentary with Al Gore in it and he says that it will never be winter again.

Engineer:  I think it will nevertheless get cold.

TTC Guy: My recent investment in shares of Coppertone says otherwise.

I proceeded to sweat through my dress shirt as I stood in my own personal hot box for 40 minutes.

Why not take off my jacket you ask?  Well, my fine friend, the subway was packed because of the aforementioned signal delays and I could not raise my arms above my head.

When I got off the subway I was a mess and then had to walk several blocks through the freezing temperatures outside.  I am now inevitably going to die of the flu.

My tombstone will read:  Here lies Tim.  He died as he lived - covered in sweat and raging against the world.