So Sunday is the day we all look forward to every year... the day we get our hour back.
Every year I look forward in anticipation to the day where I get my hour back. I wait with anticipation for what I will do with my extra time. Will I go out and help the homeless? Will I read to the blind? Will I write the next great novel? Usually I sleep.
This year the answer is different. I will be up at 4:00 am in the morning. You see the extra hour is amazing when you have a conception of time. Unfortunately, my 10 month old is currently waking at 5:00 am and now will wake at 4:00 am. I hope he learns a sense of time soon or I am going to be a real life zombie.
Putting that aside for a moment, I think we can all agree that in general getting the extra hour is awesome. Giving it back is the annoying part. If I used to love the day when we got the hour - there was no day I hated more than the day it was all taken away from me. Who will read to the blind now, I would shout to the world in anger. The question becomes what do we do? Do we get rid of daylight saving time all together and lose the gaining of the extra hour or do we keep the joy of gaining the extra hour and live with the misery of having to give it back.
I opt for a third option which I call the Greek option in honour of that poor failing country. Take but never give it back.
The plan is simple. Each year we take our extra hour. But we never give it back. It is brilliant and has no drawbacks what-so-ever.
Well...there are at least two drawbacks. One is not so serious. The other is probably the end of the world as we know it.
The first drawback is that over time we would be living in a world where day is night and night is day. Each year we would gain an hour. This would not be a problem at first. However, there would literally be a decade or so where we were living at night and sleeping during the day. This would seem like a big problem, but probably is not that serious. They already do this in Alaska and Alaska is undeniably the coolest place on earth. Having to live through this time (which would invariably be called either the dark ages or the end of days) would give future generations something to rally around and a sense of purpose. It would also spur industries to develop all kinds of special gear to help us through. Right now we need jobs. Imagine how much jobs would be created by the flashlight on the head industry alone.
Also, vampires would love it and we all know vampires are cool.
The more serious drawback is that it would affirm the fact that we have complete control over time. This is a big problem. If we could just give ourselves an hour and it worked it would not take too long for everyone to discover that we could just give ourselves more time. We would literally be immortal. If we just gave ourselves a day each day we would never age.
I have checked and this is totally how it works.
This would wreak havoc on our world as people would not age. Too many people would be born and food supplies would dwindle. Babies would never grow up. It would be chaos.
In fact, because the baby boomers out number the younger people they would start voting that we should give ourselves two days instead of one each day and they would start to grow younger. This would cause people who are younger to eventually be unborn. This mass age genocide would be totally ignored by the youth hungry baby boomers trying to escape the icy hand of death. Eventually, we would be left with a world where the perpetually young maintain their hold on society by reversing time as they see fit. This is a probably a bad thing.
So I guess I will just wake up on Monday at 4 am and say a little prayer that I get a little older each day even if it means I have to give an hour back to the world here or there.
11.04.2011
11.03.2011
What do Ballroom dancing and Golf have in common?
I love sports. I hate that everybody thinks that everything is a sport. The next Olympics will feature Ballroom dancing. Someone will get a medal for doing the fox-trot. I will die a little inside.
This leads to the inevitable discussion of what makes something a sport. In my mind it is a four part test.
1. Does it involve a ball or ball like object?
2. Is it reported in the sports section of the newspapers on a daily basis during the season?
3. Is it something that kids play in a house-league?
4. Is Tiger Woods involved?
The last question is there to specifically exclude golf. Golf is not a sport. It is a hobby.
This leaves only baseball, hockey, football and basketball. If you are in Europe then you can add soccer, cricket and rugby.
What is not a sport? Everything else. Running, wrestling, cycling, boxing, horse racing, nascar etc. This is not because these things are not hard or do not take athletic prowess - it is just because they are either races, fights or contests. They are not sports. Yes it is true I could not do what a world class javelin thrower does. But that is no different than what a dart thrower does. You have to include both or neither. I opt for neither.
Ultimately, if you think about it running and ballroom dancing are not all that different. I would rather exclude almost everything than include so much that what is left has no meaning.
This leads to the inevitable discussion of what makes something a sport. In my mind it is a four part test.
1. Does it involve a ball or ball like object?
2. Is it reported in the sports section of the newspapers on a daily basis during the season?
3. Is it something that kids play in a house-league?
4. Is Tiger Woods involved?
The last question is there to specifically exclude golf. Golf is not a sport. It is a hobby.
This leaves only baseball, hockey, football and basketball. If you are in Europe then you can add soccer, cricket and rugby.
What is not a sport? Everything else. Running, wrestling, cycling, boxing, horse racing, nascar etc. This is not because these things are not hard or do not take athletic prowess - it is just because they are either races, fights or contests. They are not sports. Yes it is true I could not do what a world class javelin thrower does. But that is no different than what a dart thrower does. You have to include both or neither. I opt for neither.
Ultimately, if you think about it running and ballroom dancing are not all that different. I would rather exclude almost everything than include so much that what is left has no meaning.
11.02.2011
R.I.P. Stieg Larsson
So I have sat beside a woman on the GO train for the last two days and she is enthralled with her book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I now know two things about this woman. First, she likes to audibly gasp in surprise while reading. Second, she has shitty taste in books.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a horrible book. But it is not the author's fault.
First, the writing is horrible. It is awkward and just reads badly. This is not the author's fault. The book was originally written in Swedish so whoever translated it did a noticeably bad job.
Second, the beginning and ending of the book are boring. They both deal with of all things a corporate takeover. It was the opposite of riveting. The one thing I love when reading is having to struggle to get into a book and then at the end having to wade through 50 pages of dry as sand details of a corporate takeover which has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Page turning! But this is also not the author's fault. The manuscript was discovered fully completed after the author died. I suspect that there was a lack of editing of this work and the result shows. Any competent editor would have hacked the ending and beginning to threads.
Third, the sex in the book is oddly personal. The book is boring and then suddenly there is a scene of intense sexual imagery where a character gets raped or tortured. It is oddly unsettling. There is a scene in the book where there is literally a torture/sex dungeon in the basement of a quiet house in a little town in Sweden. These scenes just pop out of nowhere.
It also does not help that the main character (the man) is a cardboard cut out of the character whose only purpose seems to be to sleep with whatever female character is in the story. It is hard not to think that if I had known Stieg Larsson I would have seen a lot of him in this character. He literally wrote himself into the book - to have sex with imaginary characters he created. Creepy!
Again this is not his fault. A little snooping on the wikipedia site for the author shows that he witnessed the gang rape of a young girl when he was 15. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is him literally trying to work out his feelings about this.
The problems is that we have decided that his personal writings should be a bestseller and have lauded it as great fiction... when it clearly is not.
None of this is Stieg Larsson's fault, but unfortunately it is now his legacy.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a horrible book. But it is not the author's fault.
First, the writing is horrible. It is awkward and just reads badly. This is not the author's fault. The book was originally written in Swedish so whoever translated it did a noticeably bad job.
Second, the beginning and ending of the book are boring. They both deal with of all things a corporate takeover. It was the opposite of riveting. The one thing I love when reading is having to struggle to get into a book and then at the end having to wade through 50 pages of dry as sand details of a corporate takeover which has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Page turning! But this is also not the author's fault. The manuscript was discovered fully completed after the author died. I suspect that there was a lack of editing of this work and the result shows. Any competent editor would have hacked the ending and beginning to threads.
Third, the sex in the book is oddly personal. The book is boring and then suddenly there is a scene of intense sexual imagery where a character gets raped or tortured. It is oddly unsettling. There is a scene in the book where there is literally a torture/sex dungeon in the basement of a quiet house in a little town in Sweden. These scenes just pop out of nowhere.
It also does not help that the main character (the man) is a cardboard cut out of the character whose only purpose seems to be to sleep with whatever female character is in the story. It is hard not to think that if I had known Stieg Larsson I would have seen a lot of him in this character. He literally wrote himself into the book - to have sex with imaginary characters he created. Creepy!
Again this is not his fault. A little snooping on the wikipedia site for the author shows that he witnessed the gang rape of a young girl when he was 15. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is him literally trying to work out his feelings about this.
The problems is that we have decided that his personal writings should be a bestseller and have lauded it as great fiction... when it clearly is not.
None of this is Stieg Larsson's fault, but unfortunately it is now his legacy.
11.01.2011
The Cute Scary divide
So yesterday I had the pleasure of attending my first kindergarten Halloween parade with my son. He is only 10 months old, but having a mommy as a teacher has its privileges.
All of the kindergarten kids were adorable in their little outfits and my son was dressed as a little chicken.
But it got me thinking that eventually he will not want to be cute anymore. He will want to be scary. You see on the way to the kindergarten parade we passed the grade six classrooms. These kids were definitely not cute anymore. They were vampires and ghouls and were loud noisy and amped up on sugar. I realised that this is what my little chicken is going to become. He will eventually grow his wings and turn into a vampire bat! He will become just like those grade 6 kids and be big and tall and wanting a scary costume for Halloween.
I think that me and his mother will always see a little chicken no matter what the rest of the world sees.
However, I guess in one sense I am lucky...I have a boy... at least I don't have to think about the cute/sexy divide...thank heaven for small favours.
On the scary side of the cute/scary divide is this news story. Evidently in the United States hospitals are allowing kids to come in and x-ray their candy to insure that it is safe and not full of razor blades. This is scary for two reasons. First, it just shows how insanely scared people are of threats which do not exist. More importantly, can you imagine if you were a person who suffered a broken bone. You would be waiting in agony as the x-ray machines were being taken up by little kids.
You would also be in a waiting room filled with kids on a massive sugar high... welcome to my nightmare.
All of the kindergarten kids were adorable in their little outfits and my son was dressed as a little chicken.
But it got me thinking that eventually he will not want to be cute anymore. He will want to be scary. You see on the way to the kindergarten parade we passed the grade six classrooms. These kids were definitely not cute anymore. They were vampires and ghouls and were loud noisy and amped up on sugar. I realised that this is what my little chicken is going to become. He will eventually grow his wings and turn into a vampire bat! He will become just like those grade 6 kids and be big and tall and wanting a scary costume for Halloween.
I think that me and his mother will always see a little chicken no matter what the rest of the world sees.
However, I guess in one sense I am lucky...I have a boy... at least I don't have to think about the cute/sexy divide...thank heaven for small favours.
On the scary side of the cute/scary divide is this news story. Evidently in the United States hospitals are allowing kids to come in and x-ray their candy to insure that it is safe and not full of razor blades. This is scary for two reasons. First, it just shows how insanely scared people are of threats which do not exist. More importantly, can you imagine if you were a person who suffered a broken bone. You would be waiting in agony as the x-ray machines were being taken up by little kids.
You would also be in a waiting room filled with kids on a massive sugar high... welcome to my nightmare.
10.29.2011
Anticipaton...
I like baseball. I love play-off baseball. I am in lust with game seven play-off baseball. How I feel about game seven of the World Series is how I am told young toddlers feel about Dora the Explorer.
It must be watched.
But like any good love affair as you age you gain perspective. You see, the baseball playoffs are killing me slowly. The games don't start until 8 pm. They don't end until early the next day and they invariably have late inning heroics. Couple that with the fact that I have a 10 month old son who wakes up like clockwork at 5 a.m. and you have the recipe for disaster.
I can tell I getting older by my inability to stay awake to watch sports. Each year I get older it feels like my will to watch gets one inning less strong. When I was 20 the game would end and I would watch highlights for another 2 hours. When I was 25, I was able to watch the whole game and then went to bed right away. Now at 32, I am ready to call it quits when the celebrity de jour starts singing "God Bless America" in the seventh inning.
If you can tell a tree's age by counting its rings, you can tell a sport's fans age by how many innings (s)he can stay awake for during the playoffs.
But tonight was different - it is game 7. And it is now the seventh inning. Texas is trailing 5 to 2. It is a rather unremarkable game so far. And I am getting tired.
Maybe I should go bed...would that make me a bad sports fan?
Maybe I should stay up and up watch the whole thing...would that make tomorrow a disaster? Would I be a bad father because I will be tired when I play with my son?
Just like a good game of baseball the enjoyment comes not from the outcome, but from the anticipation...should I watch or should I sleep?
*** Fast Forward to almost 12 am Saturday ***
I made it. I am still a sport's fan. Congrats Cards. Sorry Texas (you only have yourself to blame after game 6).
I am going to need a large coffee in 5 hours. I say a small prayer to the baseball Gods that my like-clockwork son will sleep past 5 am.
But, I don't think the fact that I am tired tomorrow will make me a bad father for one important reason.
As I turned off the TV and wrote this, my one thought was: I hope that the next time there is a Game 7 in the World Series that my son and I can share it together.
Now that is something I would definitely stay up for. I guess fatherhood is also about the anticipation.
It must be watched.
But like any good love affair as you age you gain perspective. You see, the baseball playoffs are killing me slowly. The games don't start until 8 pm. They don't end until early the next day and they invariably have late inning heroics. Couple that with the fact that I have a 10 month old son who wakes up like clockwork at 5 a.m. and you have the recipe for disaster.
I can tell I getting older by my inability to stay awake to watch sports. Each year I get older it feels like my will to watch gets one inning less strong. When I was 20 the game would end and I would watch highlights for another 2 hours. When I was 25, I was able to watch the whole game and then went to bed right away. Now at 32, I am ready to call it quits when the celebrity de jour starts singing "God Bless America" in the seventh inning.
If you can tell a tree's age by counting its rings, you can tell a sport's fans age by how many innings (s)he can stay awake for during the playoffs.
But tonight was different - it is game 7. And it is now the seventh inning. Texas is trailing 5 to 2. It is a rather unremarkable game so far. And I am getting tired.
Maybe I should go bed...would that make me a bad sports fan?
Maybe I should stay up and up watch the whole thing...would that make tomorrow a disaster? Would I be a bad father because I will be tired when I play with my son?
Just like a good game of baseball the enjoyment comes not from the outcome, but from the anticipation...should I watch or should I sleep?
*** Fast Forward to almost 12 am Saturday ***
I made it. I am still a sport's fan. Congrats Cards. Sorry Texas (you only have yourself to blame after game 6).
I am going to need a large coffee in 5 hours. I say a small prayer to the baseball Gods that my like-clockwork son will sleep past 5 am.
But, I don't think the fact that I am tired tomorrow will make me a bad father for one important reason.
As I turned off the TV and wrote this, my one thought was: I hope that the next time there is a Game 7 in the World Series that my son and I can share it together.
Now that is something I would definitely stay up for. I guess fatherhood is also about the anticipation.
10.28.2011
Tim will...write?
Usually this blog will feature my thoughts.
Sometimes it will feature my stories. You can click here to read "Ghost Bird".
Sometimes it will feature my stories. You can click here to read "Ghost Bird".
When more is less...
In addition to watching TV, I also play video games. Essentially, I am a teenager in a 30 year old's body. Currently, I am playing Batman Arkham City and it has taught me a truth about myself. I want to be Batman, but I don't want to have to change the tires on the Batmobile.
Let me explain. The game is a follow-up to the award winning game Batman: Arkham Asylum from last year. In the first game you played as Batman and you got stuck in Arkham Asylum and had to find your way out while dealing with all the bad guys stuck inside with you. Think Prison Break for comic book nerds. It was a pretty awsome game. So for the sequel the developers decided - let's just make it bigger. They made an entire city into a prison - thus the name Arkham City. They essentially made the same game again only much, much bigger. Thus it must be much, much better right?
Not necessarily.
The problem is the game is much too big. There are over 400 side-quests in the city and I am constantly veering off the main story to do all kinds of things (like save prisoners or answer telephone calls) and I just don't care about the story anymore. I have choice - but no clear goal. By giving the player so many things to do the game makes the player not care. The "game" begins to feel like a "chore".
So this got me thinking: is bigger better?
Let me go back to my first love - television. Curb Your Enthusiasm is a show that never fails to make me laugh and a large part of that is that it has a short, tight season. Each season is at most ten episodes long. This ensures that the show doesn't lose steam or run out of ideas. It feels fresh. Having a season of 18 episodes would destroy that show. Almost all the HBO shows you probably like have a max episode run of 10-13 episodes. In TV shorter is necessarily better. Heroes was killed by having to fill an entire year of programing. They had one story to tell: "Save the Cheerleader save the World" and they got to the end of it too fast and had nothing left to say. If Entourage had a long season everyone would have realised that it was the same story told over and over again.
Video games and TV shows need to be short to be sweet. I like to waste time... but I only have so much time to waste.
Let me explain. The game is a follow-up to the award winning game Batman: Arkham Asylum from last year. In the first game you played as Batman and you got stuck in Arkham Asylum and had to find your way out while dealing with all the bad guys stuck inside with you. Think Prison Break for comic book nerds. It was a pretty awsome game. So for the sequel the developers decided - let's just make it bigger. They made an entire city into a prison - thus the name Arkham City. They essentially made the same game again only much, much bigger. Thus it must be much, much better right?
Not necessarily.
The problem is the game is much too big. There are over 400 side-quests in the city and I am constantly veering off the main story to do all kinds of things (like save prisoners or answer telephone calls) and I just don't care about the story anymore. I have choice - but no clear goal. By giving the player so many things to do the game makes the player not care. The "game" begins to feel like a "chore".
So this got me thinking: is bigger better?
Let me go back to my first love - television. Curb Your Enthusiasm is a show that never fails to make me laugh and a large part of that is that it has a short, tight season. Each season is at most ten episodes long. This ensures that the show doesn't lose steam or run out of ideas. It feels fresh. Having a season of 18 episodes would destroy that show. Almost all the HBO shows you probably like have a max episode run of 10-13 episodes. In TV shorter is necessarily better. Heroes was killed by having to fill an entire year of programing. They had one story to tell: "Save the Cheerleader save the World" and they got to the end of it too fast and had nothing left to say. If Entourage had a long season everyone would have realised that it was the same story told over and over again.
Video games and TV shows need to be short to be sweet. I like to waste time... but I only have so much time to waste.
10.27.2011
On Buns and Bagels...
I had a Chinese bun for breakfast today, and it brought me face to face with my mortal enemy - the Chinese bun lady.
For the uninitiated Chinese buns are pastry like rolls with savoury meats stuffed inside. They are the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and a very good breakfast snack. However, there is only one Chinese bun place near my office and it is run by my nemesis - the Chinese bun lady.
Now before you go thinking that I am racist - my wife is Chinese. I believe my baby is half-Chinese. I have a vested interest in all things Chinese. Well that is not true. I hate Chinese desserts. Red bean soup is not a satisfying end to any meal. I suppose child sweat shops are bad too.
But the Chinese bun lady is the worst thing to ever come from China. The buns are self-serve and you put them in a bag and pay. They cost $1.20 each but some cost $1.50. This woman opens your bag and paws through to ensure that you haven't tried to take a $1.50 bun for $1.20. She wears a permascowl when she does so. One time I forgot to buy a coffee (which is on the other end of the store) so I said I would just pay and go get it after paying. She said to me she couldn't let me do that because I might steal buns on my way out.
This woman guards her buns like Fort Knox and every customer is part of a elaborate scheme to steal them. I dream of breaking into the bun store a la mission impossible and cleaning the place out of buns and then arriving first thing in the morning to watch the Chinese bun lady try to cope in a world where her buns have been cruelly taken from her.
I also dream of octopuses.
Usually I avoid the Chinese bun shop and instead opt for a bagel. This is because the bagel lady is a very friendly young eastern European lady who smiles and remembers my order from the day before and asks about my day. I like her and as such I order way more bagels than buns - except on those days when I just crave that Chinese bun goodness. In a perfect world the Eastern European women would work in the Chinese bun store and the Chinese bun lady would work at the bagel store where all the produce is behind glass and she wouldn't need to protect her bagels from us bagel thieves. Everyone would win.
But it is not a perfect world. So I eat more bagels than I otherwise would and sometimes cheat on the Eastern European bagel girl with the Chinese bun lady.
Ultimately, when it comes to breakfast foods, as with most things in life, what you do is not as important as who you do it with - unless the thing you do is stuffed with barbecued pork.
For the uninitiated Chinese buns are pastry like rolls with savoury meats stuffed inside. They are the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and a very good breakfast snack. However, there is only one Chinese bun place near my office and it is run by my nemesis - the Chinese bun lady.
Now before you go thinking that I am racist - my wife is Chinese. I believe my baby is half-Chinese. I have a vested interest in all things Chinese. Well that is not true. I hate Chinese desserts. Red bean soup is not a satisfying end to any meal. I suppose child sweat shops are bad too.
But the Chinese bun lady is the worst thing to ever come from China. The buns are self-serve and you put them in a bag and pay. They cost $1.20 each but some cost $1.50. This woman opens your bag and paws through to ensure that you haven't tried to take a $1.50 bun for $1.20. She wears a permascowl when she does so. One time I forgot to buy a coffee (which is on the other end of the store) so I said I would just pay and go get it after paying. She said to me she couldn't let me do that because I might steal buns on my way out.
This woman guards her buns like Fort Knox and every customer is part of a elaborate scheme to steal them. I dream of breaking into the bun store a la mission impossible and cleaning the place out of buns and then arriving first thing in the morning to watch the Chinese bun lady try to cope in a world where her buns have been cruelly taken from her.
I also dream of octopuses.
Usually I avoid the Chinese bun shop and instead opt for a bagel. This is because the bagel lady is a very friendly young eastern European lady who smiles and remembers my order from the day before and asks about my day. I like her and as such I order way more bagels than buns - except on those days when I just crave that Chinese bun goodness. In a perfect world the Eastern European women would work in the Chinese bun store and the Chinese bun lady would work at the bagel store where all the produce is behind glass and she wouldn't need to protect her bagels from us bagel thieves. Everyone would win.
But it is not a perfect world. So I eat more bagels than I otherwise would and sometimes cheat on the Eastern European bagel girl with the Chinese bun lady.
Ultimately, when it comes to breakfast foods, as with most things in life, what you do is not as important as who you do it with - unless the thing you do is stuffed with barbecued pork.
10.26.2011
Brains...
Hi. I am Tim and I am a television-a-holic.
I am currently only on step 2 of the twelve step program to rid of TV from my life. This step is "Come to believe that a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity."
Unfortunately for me that power is HBO, and it currently streams live to my house. I fear that I will not be progressing very far. On the plus side I now know more about the San Francisco Giants' clubhouse than I did before (the Franchise), that I do not want to go see a game of baseball in Mexico (East Bound and Down season 2), never trust eunichs or a brother who would sell you into sexual slavery in order to take over the world (Game of Thrones), that a car periscope is boss (Curb) and that Julia Stiles is not the complete and utter waste of human skin I once believed her to be (Dexter Season 5).
Currently, my favorite show is Community, but that is a topic for another day (note - if you are not watching Community you do not deserve to own a tv). But that is not what this entry is about. Community may be my favorite show - but zombies are my guilty pleasure.
Zombies and particularly zombie movies are everything that is right the world, in that they always focus on everything that will be wrong in the world when the inevitable zombie apocalypse arrives.
Destroyed buildings. Check. Dwindling supplies. Check. Mindless hordes of non-breathing past humans who will tear you to pieces and force you to retreat into shopping malls where you wait your inevitable death. Check.
More importantly zombie movies are all the same with minor variations. Something turns people into zombies. Said zombies run amok. Group of survivors attempt to stay alive. Some do. Most don't. Rinse repeat in different locations. There is something comforting about the sameness of the movies. The repetition is what makes them enjoyable. You don't have to think and that is a good thing.
Which leads me to the Walking Dead. The uber successful tv show on AMC. All my friends who watch tv comment that this show is "too predictable". They are missing the point. The whole point is for a zombie show to be predictable. The beauty of a zombie story is not in the destination - it is the slow halting shambling corpse walk of the journey.
The beauty of the walking dead is that it realises this and makes its characters nothing more than broad stereotypes. The do-gooder ranger with a heart of gold. The wife of the ranger who is cheating on the ranger's best friend. The black guy. The racist (who in a surprising turn of events clashes with the black guy). The old man. There is even a Chinese guy (who no doubt will be good at kung foo or electronics down the road).
We don't need to understand the character's motivations. The motivations are obvious - stay the fuck alive and don't get eaten by zombies.
Not every show has to be as brilliant as Community to be good.
Zombies movies are much like zombies themselves, they don't need brains... they eat brains.
I am currently only on step 2 of the twelve step program to rid of TV from my life. This step is "Come to believe that a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity."
Unfortunately for me that power is HBO, and it currently streams live to my house. I fear that I will not be progressing very far. On the plus side I now know more about the San Francisco Giants' clubhouse than I did before (the Franchise), that I do not want to go see a game of baseball in Mexico (East Bound and Down season 2), never trust eunichs or a brother who would sell you into sexual slavery in order to take over the world (Game of Thrones), that a car periscope is boss (Curb) and that Julia Stiles is not the complete and utter waste of human skin I once believed her to be (Dexter Season 5).
Currently, my favorite show is Community, but that is a topic for another day (note - if you are not watching Community you do not deserve to own a tv). But that is not what this entry is about. Community may be my favorite show - but zombies are my guilty pleasure.
Zombies and particularly zombie movies are everything that is right the world, in that they always focus on everything that will be wrong in the world when the inevitable zombie apocalypse arrives.
Destroyed buildings. Check. Dwindling supplies. Check. Mindless hordes of non-breathing past humans who will tear you to pieces and force you to retreat into shopping malls where you wait your inevitable death. Check.
More importantly zombie movies are all the same with minor variations. Something turns people into zombies. Said zombies run amok. Group of survivors attempt to stay alive. Some do. Most don't. Rinse repeat in different locations. There is something comforting about the sameness of the movies. The repetition is what makes them enjoyable. You don't have to think and that is a good thing.
Which leads me to the Walking Dead. The uber successful tv show on AMC. All my friends who watch tv comment that this show is "too predictable". They are missing the point. The whole point is for a zombie show to be predictable. The beauty of a zombie story is not in the destination - it is the slow halting shambling corpse walk of the journey.
The beauty of the walking dead is that it realises this and makes its characters nothing more than broad stereotypes. The do-gooder ranger with a heart of gold. The wife of the ranger who is cheating on the ranger's best friend. The black guy. The racist (who in a surprising turn of events clashes with the black guy). The old man. There is even a Chinese guy (who no doubt will be good at kung foo or electronics down the road).
We don't need to understand the character's motivations. The motivations are obvious - stay the fuck alive and don't get eaten by zombies.
Not every show has to be as brilliant as Community to be good.
Zombies movies are much like zombies themselves, they don't need brains... they eat brains.
10.25.2011
Why religion will fail....
Last night driving to my basketball game I had a religious awakening and it was all thanks to the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission). I was driving behind a bus that had the entire back of the bus plastered with an ad that said (and I could not make this up)... Don't celebrate Halloween, Celebrate Jesusween. This seriously exists.
It was at that point I literally had my first religious epiphany... the church needs better marketing.
I don't care about the fact that some group of people want you to celebrate Jesus rather than dress up in costumes and get candy. That is their choice (although I would imagine the lack of candy might be a hard sell to 10 year-olds).
What I care about the fact that the name for this is Jesusween. Seriously? In the space of one light I came up with a clearly better name: "Halo-ween". The fact that this name is so glaringly obvious leads to only one conclusion... belief in God breeds laziness.
Honestly, if you want me to get behind your cause and the best you can come up with is Jesusween you clearly don't want me (or my soul) enough. I am supposed to believe in an omnipotent God who can make a rock that even he can't lift - and even with this divine intervention you give me Jesusween. Maybe God really was busy helping Green Bay win on Sunday.
The default seems to be to just stick Jesus in front of everything. What are we going to do with other holidays? Thanksgiving = Jesusgiving, Valentine's day = Jesustine's day. I suppose we leave Christmas and Easter alone. I imagine we continue to pretend Hanukkah doesn't exist rather than re-branding it.
Ultimately, this ad encapsulates the problem with religion. It thinks that just mentioning Jesus is enough. If you are going to market religion on the side of a bus, then you should market. Show me you care. Or maybe you should just focus on the fact that religion is supposed to be about community and shared ideals and not on name recognition or marketing.
Either way Jesusween is unforgivable.
It was at that point I literally had my first religious epiphany... the church needs better marketing.
I don't care about the fact that some group of people want you to celebrate Jesus rather than dress up in costumes and get candy. That is their choice (although I would imagine the lack of candy might be a hard sell to 10 year-olds).
What I care about the fact that the name for this is Jesusween. Seriously? In the space of one light I came up with a clearly better name: "Halo-ween". The fact that this name is so glaringly obvious leads to only one conclusion... belief in God breeds laziness.
Honestly, if you want me to get behind your cause and the best you can come up with is Jesusween you clearly don't want me (or my soul) enough. I am supposed to believe in an omnipotent God who can make a rock that even he can't lift - and even with this divine intervention you give me Jesusween. Maybe God really was busy helping Green Bay win on Sunday.
The default seems to be to just stick Jesus in front of everything. What are we going to do with other holidays? Thanksgiving = Jesusgiving, Valentine's day = Jesustine's day. I suppose we leave Christmas and Easter alone. I imagine we continue to pretend Hanukkah doesn't exist rather than re-branding it.
Ultimately, this ad encapsulates the problem with religion. It thinks that just mentioning Jesus is enough. If you are going to market religion on the side of a bus, then you should market. Show me you care. Or maybe you should just focus on the fact that religion is supposed to be about community and shared ideals and not on name recognition or marketing.
Either way Jesusween is unforgivable.
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